My child is rapidly approaching the age when she asks a lot of questions about…well, everything. Given the determined desire to speak now tells me that my wife and I are in for a flood of inquiries. I hope that we are adequately prepped to provide insightful responses that will ease her curiosity. However I am stumped when it comes to answering the following questions…
Q: “Why are boys so icky?”
A: “Well, sweetheart, if you actually get to know someone you will find that they are nice people. That includes boys.”
Q: “Why do Republican Governors say ‘no’ to the stimulus bill but readily accept the money when the bill passes?”
A: “Ooh, that’s a toughie, pumpkin. I guess some folks just don’t take the time to actually read and understand something before they open their mouths. If they truly want to help the people they represent I would think they would go along with the Bill or suggest something that is not found in the Bill. This is why reading is so important.”
Q: “Why didn’t Major League Baseball officials, namely the Commissioner, not ban steroids and other performance enhancement substances back in the 1990’s when it was becoming a real problem?”
A: “See, there is thing called greed. Now the Bible and various Warner Bros. cartoons teach us that greed is bad. However in a competitive free enterprise system greed is necessary. Bottom line is, honeysuckle, more home-runs means more tushies in the ballpark seats, even at the risk of the player’s health. May Lyle Alzado rest in peace.”
Q: “Do I have to eat vegetables?”
A: “Yes.”
Q: “Why are movie studios constantly churning out ‘re-imagined’ ideas taken from old movies?”
A: “Because the screenwriters are lazy, and studio executives who greenlight projects are too busy snorting blow from an escort’s fake boobies to understand that they know nothing of the buying consumer wants.”
Q: “Dad, why are you so bitter?”
A: “Okay. No more questions. Time for bed.”
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