Baby's Got HunchBack

The Academy Awards are coming up in a few weeks and once again the elite aristocratic Academy has failed to recognize a certain segment of the population. This time it is not any minority group, although witnessing the long dry spell of Oscar wins by African-American actors makes me believe that it’ll be another 40 to 50 years before a Latino-American gets at the very least a nomination. Hell, we’re lucky if we get a nice role. That would be OUR award. Something other than maid, drug dealer, gardener or immigrant would be nice. Playing latin lovers is adequate, but it adds pressure to our love lives in real life. May God rest Ricardo Montalban's soul but ain't no way I'm smoother with the ladies than he was.

And no this is not about little actors who fail to get work unless it involves Santa Claus or some fairy tale movie or TV show. The self-involved, happy-to-slap-their-own-backs Academy have forsaken the hunchback.

Since the creation of the cinema Hunchbacks have received poor treatment. Beginning with Lon Chaney’s depiction of the tragic yet heroic Quasimodo in “The Hunchback of Notre Dame,” Hollywood has unapologetically created a pathetic, helpless characterization without really exploring the soul of a hunchback. Let’s start with the title. Sure it was the name of the Victor Hugo book. Fine. But couldn’t the publishers dream of another name? Like “The Heroic Tale of Quasimodo,” or “The Bell Ringing Superstar?” I mean including the word “hunchback” reflects the level of insensitivity slightly above the NFL. Added to that the silent movie version depicts Quasimodo as this wretched deformed patsy for the bad guy. It was repeated again in 1939 with Charles Laughton. Did the filmmakers of this version make any changes to the character? Yes they did. Quasimodo spoke. Wowwee, one giant leap for mankind I guess. With the ability to speak, was it possible that Quasimodo got great lines to utter? Nope, the only memorable thing that came out of Laughton’s Quasimodo was “sanctuary! Sanctuary!” What the hell? I guess Dorothy Parker wasn't around the studio that day.

Then came the “hunchback” servant Igor from the horror movie “Frankenstein.” Come on! The poor souls go from living in the bell tower of a church to the laboratory of a nut. How was that an improvement? I could picture some coked-out exec at Universal saying “who cares? They’ve got hunchbacks. They don’t know nothing. Now blow me, bitch.” Although Marty Feldman’s version from “Young Frankenstein” as a sassy character gave hunchbacks a little encouragement that they may one day rise above the prejudice and play a lawyer, doctor or President of a fruit growers union. But sadly this day would never come. Ever. Their dreams were shattered by that misanthrope William Shakespeare. “Richard III” is one of his most popular plays. And it is constantly adapted for the big screen. Now the hunchback is a scheming, murderous, power-hungry son-of-a-bitch whose story is told somewhere daily on the stage and can be seen on dvd or video with works by Laurence Olivier.
Won’t the Film Industry understand the harm they are doing to this world? Boycott the Oscars this year. Besides, “Dark Knight” wasn’t nominated for Best Picture.